Having our Own Happiness
It’s not easy at all to find sincere happiness in this world, especially in the wake of a society that judges happiness by very strict and shallow metrics. Having said that, I do believe that we are entitled to our own feeling of happiness, and mustn’t ever give up on what makes us happy, especially if it’s beneficial. We should strive towards the most uplifting people, experiences, and activities, all of which help us feel genuinely happy, and we should feel no shame in taking active steps towards this feeling.
On the surface, happiness is not objectively tangible, since it comes and goes, and while it certainly can be obtained, it cannot so easily be preserved. Perhaps the feeling of happiness (and its opposite, unhappiness) should be understood as a general existential condition, rather than merely a mood, because moods change rather frequently. One practice which works for me is active detachment — ironically, not clinging onto feelings makes it much easier to experience happiness, since I am making a conscious effort to not let my feelings be determined by outside stimuli. Instead, I am trying to find happiness through moderation, using a meditative approach.
The people we spend time with influence our happiness. We must be mindful of how those people make us feel, but also whether we’re aware of our actions and reactions. One can’t expect themselves to be happy if they’re being swung back and forth, like a marionette, without understanding what’s happening to them. Some people in my life have filled me with joy, while others drained my spirit and made me anxious. That’s why, much like we may carefully choose our activities, we must also carefully choose our friends and significant others. We must be sure that our time spent with those people helps cultivate our mindfulness, as it is much easier to find happiness in a calmer state.
If we are to conceive of happiness as something which can be maintained, we must first think about what makes us feel happier, while still being objectively beneficial. Surely, if we only chase that which makes us happy, without regard for how it affects us, the result will not be very good. It is not necessarily difficult to find activities that are both enjoyable and productive, but the point is to find activities we may personally enjoy, and feel motivated to get better at. I particularly enjoy exercising, but when I started playing handball, I realized it’s a lot more fun. However, the physical benefit of handball is no worse than running, swimming, weight training or calisthenics.
One must try to find themselves working at something, and deriving happiness from that, rather than being completely dependent on some source of temporary happiness. There’s nothing better for our happiness than progression in a skill.
To give an example: when I was 14, I did not play chess well at all. I started out as a beginner back then, and had a problematic video game addiction. Something suddenly piqued my interest about the board game, and I started playing every day in the lunchroom and library. I beat everyone in the school, despite being an amateur. Although I was still playing video games often, I realized that chess gave me the same pleasure, and with a lot more benefits. And so, I eventually quit playing video games entirely, but chess still stayed in my life. I believe this to be a positive thing, given that chess is a lot more intellectually demanding, complex, and intriguing than some buttons being pressed on a controller (or a keyboard). Of course this is merely my opinion, but I wanted to use this case as an example of ‘replacing’ one bad habit with another, better habit.
I would argue that American culture, the one I am intimately part of, has paved the way for illimitable self-indulgence. Supposedly, there is no need to work on one’s habits if we just chase short-term pleasures. Unfortunately, hedonism doesn’t make sense as a gateway to happiness, since there is a particular respect we must offer our minds and bodies. Just because I have the freedom to eat 5 cheeseburgers and drink a 6 pack of Stella, it doesn’t suddenly necessitate that I should, even if it may make me happy in the short term. People often overlook the importance of what’s called ‘delayed gratification’, which is actually the complete opposite of hedonism — if one restricts their access to pleasures, or instead has healthier pleasures, I would say their chance of lasting happiness is much higher.
We must dispel this myth that happiness can’t be explained objectively.
We must get back to the fundamental problem, which is that happiness is often subjective to individuals and lingers in somewhat random places. I cannot argue with a person who believes, for instance, that watching movies all day, eating lots of ice cream, and having political arguments online amounts to a happy life — what I can do is provide reasons why their happiness is not going to last, and what a more well-ordered lifestyle could do for them. I try my best to respect everyone’s beliefs, but in the case of people whose beliefs are incredibly rigid and not reasonable, I feel the need to give up. Ironically, such people tend to be argumentative and thereby make themselves unhappy. We can do nothing if a person insists on tripping over their own shoes, so to speak. We can only try to help those who want happiness and care enough to try harder for it.
If we can overcome the mental barrier, which constantly finds ways to make our happiness seem difficult, then we can aim towards the happiness we want and preserve it, not just have it. Happiness is existential because it refers to a way of life, not merely a brain state — there are essentially building blocks, ways in which a life can be improved from its current place. Certainly, it is not equally easy for everyone, especially those who have undergone serious adversity, but I still think anyone can attain happiness. All it takes is a greater effort towards good things.
Thank you.
