The Struggles of Mental Health
Every now and then, I go on the mental health platform called 7Cups and volunteer as a listener. It has given me incredibly valuable insights, and I am happy to offer a voice and a heart to these members. Sometimes it is very difficult, especially when I don’t have the right words to say. Nonetheless, I believe that any well-intentioned listener is helpful, especially in such a difficult time.
The first thing I should say is about my own search for mental health. Prior to joining 7Cups, I could not have imagined the boundless pain some people face in their daily life. I thought that my anxiety, my unhappiness, was a severe and particularly unique case. No, no, no, I was wrong. It’s not to say that I don’t have mental health struggles — it’s just that I have not experienced nearly the amount of suffering as some of these people. This realization has put me on the journey of becoming a better listener, knowing full well that they deserve empathy.
With that being said, I wish to get into the general issues people on 7Cups face. I have talked to approximately 25 people over the course of a year. Though that doesn’t sound like much, you have to understand that I spend hours with some of them. More importantly, when you genuinely try to understand someone’s pain, you absorb some of it, and then you start thinking “wow, I have no goddamn idea what people deal with”. The magnitude of human suffering is incomprehensible.
I am generally empathetic and patient. I know when my words are not helpful, and I try my best to restrain my ego at all times. I always take upon the role of a friend, and the truth is, I am open to being friends with anyone. I believe that many people are lacking genuine friendship, and therefore, it is my duty as a listener to be a genuine friend to others. It is beautiful when a person devotes their time and energy to help. Being genuinely listened to can mean the world to someone.
The majority of the people I’ve talked to are chronically lonely, and many of them don’t have any friends at all. A good number of them struggle with past traumas, ongoing feelings of self-doubt, and the belief that they are alienated from wider society. They are very capable of verbalizing their troubles, but unable to recognize their own agency in fixing them. There is a feeling that they have been abandoned, unable to find their way. 7Cups says that we should not give advice, which is understandable — like a therapist, a good listener is only there to help a person deal with their world in a more organized way. One does not go on a mental health website looking for solutions, but rather, to find acceptance and belonging.
We all suffer, but some live a life of constant suffering.
We must understand that mental health issues do not exist in a vacuum. They are connected to the particular experiences a person has, and the reflections they draw from those experiences. One cannot possibly understand a person’s difficulty if they haven’t experienced it themselves, so the second best thing is to make an effort. It is often the case that, in making some effort to understand their pain, I help that person feel more humanized and accepted. It is the only thing I can do.
If there is someone in your life who struggles with mental health, please try your best not to tell them something they’ve already heard many times. Listen carefully and let them be vulnerable. The greatest virtue I’ve cultivated is that, in listening to someone, you are offering a place for them to feel whatever they need to feel. If you can do that for someone, you have already done a morally good thing.
Thank you.
