The Will to Do Something
Thinking back on certain moments in my life, I realized that, despite having suffered from depressive and anxious episodes, I now find myself feeling regret. So much time and energy wasted on false things, so much inefficiency in my behaviors, so much self-oriented thinking. And ultimately, humility has taken that over, especially since I’ve been focusing more on my will to do.
The patterns of behavior that surround depression and anxiety are related to one’s thoughts, which are often negatively influenced by one’s environment. If a person is helpless to certain circumstances as a child, I believe they may develop defense mechanisms to preserve their sanity later on in life. And thus, even seemingly healthy people deal with depressive and anxious episodes.
To-wit, one’s natural ability and desire to do things may not always be in their full control at all, but the will keeps them going. In some cases, circumstances can be so overwhelming that even the will can’t withstand them, wherein we are again acquainted with depressive or anxious thoughts. Things people say, both to you and behind your back, can be profoundly uncomfortable. A lack of genuine friends may also hold us back from understanding what’s the matter.
The will is an incredible thing, though, because it can theoretically withstand anything. It is not the mind that ultimately makes decisions — it often asks “what if there’s a chance of failure?”, and then it’s the will’s job to execute the task anyway. The will is also capable of mediating an intemperate heart: if a person has trouble maintaining their emotions, the will offers solutions through meaningful, enjoyable tasks, ones which are not felt to be ‘work’.
For example, when I play chess and handball, I feel that I am simultaneously having fun and achieving some sort of benefit. There is some sort of transcendent pleasure derived from doing something demanding, especially when it is unique and interesting. Take, for instance, something extremely technical like Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, which is not only ridiculously difficult, but also not intuitive at all and demands great patience. To learn various chokes, fighting from guard, countering takedowns, it is nothing short of work. But is it really ‘work’ in the conventional sense, where we are doing a task for the sake of being paid? No, for it is work that is enjoyable, and it allows us to explore what we can do if we are willing to make time for it.
The ego restrains the will, in that it offers ways out of doing things. Egoism causes a person to resist existential obligations, thus disconnecting them from the karmic web of their own being. Instead of transcending one’s problems, one ends up running away from them until there is too much pressure. And thus, willpower is the cure to many problems in a life. I am not suggesting that this is the universal solution — by all means, many people need a lot more than willpower to address their lives — but I am saying that doing things, particularly with an immutable sense of enjoyment, gives us some release from the depressive cycle of obligations. We can actually feel ourselves again.
There is no need to say “I must do X, Y, and Z” when you can as easily say “X will give me peace of mind, Y will give me perspective, Z will give me freedom”. It is exactly the same statement logically, but you are giving yourself good reasons for doing X, Y, and Z, rather than feeling insecurely attached to their completion. And thus, I suggest that the will is even capable of mediating how stressful something is, particularly with the help of the mind. If you find a proper mind-will relationship, you will be happy.
And so, I have said all I can say on this matter. I believe the Buddhists, the Zen Masters, and the Stoics have all understood will as a key to self-knowledge, for it seems that the mind often makes up scenarios and hypotheticals in place of actual things. And the will can’t afford to do that. So, I leave you with this, my friends, and I hope it’s worth something. Attachment isn’t worth it.
