You’re right that we have to make our own decisions about what to believe. William James really emphasized this point in his “Will to Believe”.

I have utmost respect for Jesus Christ and people who follow him. The point I was trying to make is that he is not the only source of salvation. You said it yourself, you gained some insights from Ouspensky (whom I also read alongside Gurdjieff around 18-19) and then something pushed you to reject those ideas in lieu of Christianity. But, without having found those mystical thinkers, you would not have found yourself where you are now. Still, regardless of whatever we choose to believe, the truth is likely still the same: unchanging, formless, and unknowable to the human mind.